in the Capital

This is one of the first few photographs I've took since we moved in this city from Dubai. It is beautiful in it's own way as it is also the largest Emirate in the UAE and it is the Capital. The mix of culture can still be a bit of shock for some but you can tell how the local government are trying so hard to preserve their roots. It is nowhere near the boldness of Dubai. It is not as flaunting. Yes, you can say it is the modest city I've ever been into considering all the richness it has. It is a good thing. It is an admirable thing. We have been so blessed being here and with the opportunities that have been given to us here, all I can say is that it is more than enough when I think about all those who have none. It has been 3 years, but out in the streets it still doesn't feel home. It is only home when Pao comes home from work. It is only home when my Impatient Girl wakes me up in the morning to play. It is only home when the three of us are together. I know we should lay down roots to wherever we are as it is what God has laid in front of us. He does have a purpose for us being here even if sometimes it seems unclear. So we keep trying. Laying down roots. But for now, home is still where my heart is.

the strength to start over

 For what it's worth: it's never too late or, 

in my case, too early to be 

whoever you want to be. 

There's no time limit, 

stop whenever you want. 

You can change or stay the same, 

there are no rules to this thing. 

We can make it the best or the worst of it.

 I hope you can make the best of it. 

And I hope you see things that startle you. 

I hope you feel things you never felt before.

 I hope you meet people with a different point of view. 

I hope you live a life you're proud of. 

If you find that you're not, 

I hope you have the strength to start all over again.

- F. Scott Fitzgerald

 

Turning over a new leaf.

I have to confess, I'm not very good at catching up specially on this blog. I always end up doing something else instead of updating this. It was not like I was avoiding it. I just often find myself saying, "It doesn't matter, who's going to read it anyway?" I was getting tired of watching people broadcasting too much of their lives on social networks for the whole world to see and so sometimes I thought blogging would put me in that same light that I was trying so hard to avoid. Then I asked myself why I signed up anyway? I used to keep a journal when I was in high school and I tried so hard to still do it in college. I wrote almost everything that happened to me. Cut and paste out pictures or write words that inspires and would motivate me. Well, everything that was significant that is. But somewhere along the way I grew older and sadly, I slowly lost all that eagerness to savor and put into writing that series of events that was a substantial part of who I have become. Those moments when you end up somewhere out of town laughing so hard with friends until you couldn't breathe and hoping to do it again. Those conversations with people whom at that time you knew at that exact moment they were molding your morals and defining your beliefs. Those days when you ask yourself what you did to be that happy and didn't knew what else to do but thank God for aligning the universe to get you to that moment. To be honest, I thought that it didn't really matter as long as have it in my memory, that's all that mattered right? But the truth is, as much as I know these will forever stay in my heart. These memories are day by day taken away from me by time. I know it sounds ridiculous but a friend of mine once asked me, "When memories fade, are they still real?" Of course they're still real. But it seems mine are fading with me as I grow with age. 

I guess all I'm saying is I am a little scared to forget. Maybe it's just me or maybe there are some who feels just the same. Which is also why I am writing again. I have learned too valuable lessons to just keep it to myself. I want to share the fun things I find, the lessons I learn as I go through motherhood. I am in no race to get older but we all know it's inevitable. The only reason this is an issue to me now is because of my daughter. Who's going to read this blog anyway? She will. Someday, I hope. When she's old enough to look for answers. It's not like I have it all figured out. We will together because Lord knows I still get lost sometimes. But when the time comes, with God's help I hope I can point her to the right direction.

So now I am starting over. I have a mission to give this blog a purpose. Hoping and praying that when my daughter is old enough to find this she'd be inspired. To live, love, laugh and to hope.  But most of all, this blog is for her to know me more. If words fail me to let her know how wonderful it is to be a mom, a wife and a woman. I pray this would be an affirmation on how I love to be alive and all the reasons there is to be. 

This blog now holds so many possibilities. This could be my creative outlet. My own online space. A rebirth of that handcrafted blue-dyed journal years ago with my adventures and misadventures, my joys and pains, my dreams, my answered prayers, my battles - the losses and triumphs it came with.