Turning over a new leaf.

I have to confess, I'm not very good at catching up specially on this blog. I always end up doing something else instead of updating this. It was not like I was avoiding it. I just often find myself saying, "It doesn't matter, who's going to read it anyway?" I was getting tired of watching people broadcasting too much of their lives on social networks for the whole world to see and so sometimes I thought blogging would put me in that same light that I was trying so hard to avoid. Then I asked myself why I signed up anyway? I used to keep a journal when I was in high school and I tried so hard to still do it in college. I wrote almost everything that happened to me. Cut and paste out pictures or write words that inspires and would motivate me. Well, everything that was significant that is. But somewhere along the way I grew older and sadly, I slowly lost all that eagerness to savor and put into writing that series of events that was a substantial part of who I have become. Those moments when you end up somewhere out of town laughing so hard with friends until you couldn't breathe and hoping to do it again. Those conversations with people whom at that time you knew at that exact moment they were molding your morals and defining your beliefs. Those days when you ask yourself what you did to be that happy and didn't knew what else to do but thank God for aligning the universe to get you to that moment. To be honest, I thought that it didn't really matter as long as have it in my memory, that's all that mattered right? But the truth is, as much as I know these will forever stay in my heart. These memories are day by day taken away from me by time. I know it sounds ridiculous but a friend of mine once asked me, "When memories fade, are they still real?" Of course they're still real. But it seems mine are fading with me as I grow with age. 

I guess all I'm saying is I am a little scared to forget. Maybe it's just me or maybe there are some who feels just the same. Which is also why I am writing again. I have learned too valuable lessons to just keep it to myself. I want to share the fun things I find, the lessons I learn as I go through motherhood. I am in no race to get older but we all know it's inevitable. The only reason this is an issue to me now is because of my daughter. Who's going to read this blog anyway? She will. Someday, I hope. When she's old enough to look for answers. It's not like I have it all figured out. We will together because Lord knows I still get lost sometimes. But when the time comes, with God's help I hope I can point her to the right direction.

So now I am starting over. I have a mission to give this blog a purpose. Hoping and praying that when my daughter is old enough to find this she'd be inspired. To live, love, laugh and to hope.  But most of all, this blog is for her to know me more. If words fail me to let her know how wonderful it is to be a mom, a wife and a woman. I pray this would be an affirmation on how I love to be alive and all the reasons there is to be. 

This blog now holds so many possibilities. This could be my creative outlet. My own online space. A rebirth of that handcrafted blue-dyed journal years ago with my adventures and misadventures, my joys and pains, my dreams, my answered prayers, my battles - the losses and triumphs it came with.